SEASON 5
“Oh, for goodness sakes, Kevin. There’s no cookie. There’s no cookie. Come on. Come.” – Cafe Disco
“No. I don’t want to stay late to have a two hour lunch.” – Cafe Disco
“The man is wearing sandals. I don’t need to see Oscar’s toes at work. Gross! I mean he looks like he just got off the boat” – Casual Friday
“Charles, I got your memo. Thank you. I want you to know I’m putting my foot down when it comes to expense reports. Waste not, want not.” – Broke
“Charles and Kelly? Absolutely not. He is a sophisticated man. He does not need to go dumpster-diving for companionship, OK?” – New Boss
“I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. She’s hypoallergenic. She doesn’t struggle when you try to dress her. She’s a third-generation show cat. Her father was in ‘Meet the Parents.’ Needless to say, she was very, very expensive.” – Lecture Circuit Part 2
“I normally don’t enjoy making people laugh.” – Stress Relief
“If you ever wondered if you were Michael Scott, here’s a quiz to help. If you ever put sunblock on a window, you might be Michael Scott” – Stress Relief
“I only weigh 82 pounds!” – Stress Relief
“I’m not moving the tree. Face it. The only power you have over me is this big secret that I know you’re not going to tell. And you want to know how I know that? Because then you won’t be able to plan your stupid, tacky parties anymore. So you move the tree.” – Moroccan Christmas
“I am not going to judge Phyllis for desecrating Christmas. There is one person who will though and Phyllis just stuffed him into a drawer.” – Moroccan Christmas
“I want a butter sculpture of a cat!” – The Surplus
“Are you swallowing them whole? You’re eating them so fast, are they even touching your tongue?” – To Kevin, Frame Toby
“I don’t want to be married in a tent like a hobo.” – Customer Survey
“You gave birth in a tub?” – Baby Shower
“Per your instructions, we have the personalized M&Ms with the baby names. This is your boy bowl, with the name “Chevy.” And this is the girl bowl, with M&Ms with the name “Astird.”” – Baby Shower
“I once reported Oscar to the INS. Turns out he’s clean, but I’m glad I did it.” – Business Ethics
“Is there any way our first dance can be to my favorite song, The Little Drummer Boy?” – Weight Loss
“I have a nice comforter and several cozy pillows. I usually read a chapter of a book, and it’s lights out by 8:30. That’s how I sleep at night!” – Weight Loss
“Dangerous. Tacky. Sharks. Haunted. No.” – Weight Loss
“Listen, dummy! It’s not that hard. All you have to do is take the numbers from the sales report and type them into a master spreadsheet. A G.D. monkey could do it. I do not understand why you can’t do it.” – Weight Loss
SEASON 4
“Well, I hope you had fun today, because you’re never ever throwing a party again.” – To Phyllis, Goodbye Toby
“The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit.” – Dinner Party
“Sometimes I think she holds on to faxes.” – Dinner Party
“No. No.” – Angela to Michael when he tries to hug her, Dinner Party
“No. No way. I am not a machine, Jim. You can’t just change plans willy nilly and expect these little magic party elves to do your bidding. We already have devils food, peach cobbler, Fudgey the Whale, mushroom caps.” – Survivor Man
“The Finer Things Club was not sanctioned by the Party Planning Committee. Renegade clubs are dangerous. I squashed the Weight Loss Buddy Support Group. They didn’t need to gather. It was just gross.” – Branch Wars
“I find the mystery genre disgusting. I hate being titillated.” – Local Ad
“You may ask me out to dinner. Nothing fancy or foreign, no bars, no patios, no vegetables, and no seafood.” – To Andy, Money.
“How do you tell someone it’s over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well, what if the recipient is your notary?” – Launch Party
“Plan a party, Angela. Oh! And the entire world will see it. Oh! And here’s $65.00 for your budget. Oh and here are four idiots who’ll do nothing but weigh you down. Oh. And your cat’s still dead.” – Launch Party
“Lunch party? It’s supposed to say launch party! What is wrong with you?” – Launch Party
“I don’t want Garbage! I want Sprinkles!” – Dunder Mifflin Infinity
“It’s not a surprise to me. Pam is the office mattress.” – Dunder Mifflin Infinity
“For the record, I have never been involved with anyone at work, in any capacity.” – Dunder Mifflin Infinity
“This is Sprinkles. She was my best friend. I kept her going through countless ailments. I asked Dwight Schrute to feed her once, and she is now deceased. This is Halloween last year, just a couple of kittens out on the town.” – Fun Run
SEASON 3
“Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop!” – Business School
“Congratulations, Phyllis. You look lovely. Your dress is very white. So white, my eyes are burning.” – Phyllis’ Wedding
“Don’t linger. Break left. Left!” – To Dwight, Phyllis’ Wedding
“Your body is a temple. You have to respect it. You can’t just whore it out.” – Back From Vacation
“I don’t walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack.” – A Benihana Christmas
“No, orange is whorish.” – A Benihana Christmas
“Sure. Let’s protect the convicts. At the expense of the general feeling of safety in the workplace. As a 90-pound female that sits in an ill-lit, rarely-visited corner of the office, naturally I agree with that.” – The Convict
“Don’t go. They eat monkey brains.” – Diwali
“I know that patience and loyalty are good, and virtuous traits. But sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair.” – The Coup
“In the Martin family, we like to say, “Looks like someone took the slow train from Philly.” That’s code for “check out the slut.” What is… why are there flies in here?” – The Convention
“Don’t “Monkey” me!” – To Dwight, The Convention
“Sure, sometimes I watch Will and Grace… and I want to throw up. It’s terribly loud. I do like it sometimes when Harry Connick Jr. is on. He’s so talented.” – Gay Witch Hunt
“It explains so much.” – About Oscar being gay, Gay Witch Hunt
SEASON 2
“We are giving money that has been gambled. Why don’t we just deal drugs or prostitute ourselves, and donate that money to charity?” – Casino Night
“You know, I never misbehaved in front of my father because he was a very strict disciplinarian. I can only hope my mate has some of those same qualities (looks at Dwight).” – Take Your Daughter to Work Day
“I guess I wouldn’t mind a pair of small, well-behaved boys.” – After Kelly asks Angela if she likes kids, Take Your Daughter to Work Day
“Sometimes, the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.”- Women’s Appreciation
“Malls are just awful and humiliating. They’re just store after store of these horrible salespeople making a big fuss out of an adult shopping in a junior’s section. There are petite adults who are sort of… smaller who need to wear… maybe a kids’ size 10.” – Women’s Appreciation
“It was hand delivered. But, I did get a Save The Date after all. It’s not my taste.” – After Pam hands her a Save the Date, Conflict Resolution
“I got this poster for Christmas, and I feel I want to see it everyday. It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor.” – Conflict Resolution
“Do you want to give Michael your urine?” – To Dwight, Drug Testing
“No cookie.” – Michael’s Birthday
“You don’t know it’s going to be okay. Don’t give him false hope. …It’s probably nothing, though.” – Michael’s Birthday
“I’m sorry, are we boring you?” – to Pam after she yawns, Michael’s Birthday
“I’m not gaining anything from this seminar. I’m a professional woman. The head of accounting. I’m in the healthiest relationship of my life. I just think it’s insulting that Jan thinks we need this. And, apparently, judging from her outfit, Jan aspires to be a whore.” – Boys and Girls
(Crying) “Michael should have asked the party planning committee first. He’s not supposed to just spring things on us out of nowhere.” – Christmas Party
“I got sap on me.” – Email Surveillance
“I actually look forward to performance reviews. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit. And I enjoyed that quite a bit. I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny.” – Performance Review
“I’m just trying to figure out why you’re sabotaging things.” – Angela to Pam, Halloween
“I would take The DaVinci Code… so I could burn The DaVinci Code.” – Angela on what book(s) she would take to a desert island, The Fire
“Okay! Everybody! Do not panic! Safety partners. Do not panic. Go in single file lines. Arms at your sides! Arms at your sides! Go, let’s go.” – The Fire
“I call it Pam Pong. I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you.” – Office Olympics
“I do play games. I sing and I dangle things in front of my cats. I play lots of games. Just not at work.” – Office Olympics
“I hate them. You send me these filthy emails and you say forward them to ten people or you’ll have bad luck.” – Sexual Harassment
SEASON 1
“Gray. Dark Gray. Charcoal.” Angela Martin on her favorite colors, Hot Girl
“I think green is kind of whoreish.” – The Alliance
“You let him walk all over you. It’s just pathetic.” – Health Care
“I bet it’s gonna be me. Probably gonna be me.” – Pilot episode
Angela Kinsey Fans 